The Empty Nesters

What Happens When Jewish Moms Send Kids Away to School?

By Molly Ritvo

What worries and expectations do Jewish parents face when sending their kids to college? Molly Ritvo polled parents and found that some valued schools with large Jewish populations and active Hillels, while others felt confident that their budding scholars’ Jewish upbringing would set the tone for their college lives. Unsurprisingly, most parents want college-bound sons and daughters to celebrate holidays, engage in Jewish campus activities, meet Jewish friends and maybe even find a Jewish spouse.

What expectations do you have for your children to live Jewishly at college?

Susan L: I expected them to honor the holidays and speak up for Judaism and Israel. Beyond that, I left it up to them.

Sharon: We hoped our son Alex would connect with Hillel at the University of Vermont for at least holiday observances and the occasional Shabbat. Equally important to me was that he develop a circle of Jewish friends and, yes, meet young women. My husband and I met at a small college during a Hillel event. We were married seven years later!

Jan: I had wishes for them to live Jewishly at school, but no expectations. Neither of our sons identify as being Jewishly engaged, [which is] something that I hope will change as they grow older and create families.

Susan R: We kept our expectations low. Our older kids took no interest in their universities’ Hillels. Not even for the High Holidays. I was extremely disappointed. I wanted them to meet Jewish students and get involved Jewishly on campus.

Did your kids choose a college with robust Jewish life? Was that important to you and to your family?

Lani: My kids will not [and] did not choose a college based on robust Jewish life. It’s important, but there are other selection criteria for college that are more important.

Sharon: The active Hillel was an added benefit when our son chose to attend the University of Vermont. He grew up with a close-knit and small Jewish community, an active USY [United Synagogue Youth], and our family observed holidays. We hoped he would continue to seek this out.

Susan R: One daughter attended High Holidays, several Shabbat dinners and a smattering of other activities at UVM’s [University of Vermont’s] Hillel. She was approached by someone on the board to run for the Hillel treasurer and filled that position for two years, and was then encouraged to run for president, which she will fulfill this fall. My husband and I are thrilled. She has met wonderful people at Hillel.

Continue reading.